Anti-penises

As a supplement to the small penises post, this one shows the extreme of that topic. They are the penises that are so small they have collapsed in on themselves like black holes. They are the anti-penises.

There Can’t Be Big Penises Without Small Ones

While the issue of size dominates the topics related to penises, all the focus is on one end of the spectrum, but since there can’t be “big” without “small”, here’s a post from the other side of penis sizes: the small.

Penis Pokey: A DICKture Book

Someone, who obviously noticed tendencies both to take comical pictures of penises and to stick them in things, has made a book to accomplish both of these goals.

It goes without saying, because of its aforementioned inherent marketablitiy,  that the book has generated many photographic examples of its use.

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More Dicks and Toilet Paper Rolls

The pictures of dicks in toilet paper rolls out there seem to be endless. It’s pretty safe to assume it’s one of the most common things to do with a penis.

Trick or Treat

Even without the ubiquitous penis costumes, Halloween is a good holiday for penises.

Dicks on Heads

There are many conventions in porn, such as female vocalizations and the cumshot. It’s pretty obvious how most of them became de rigueur. However, besides those easier to explain, there is one fairly common one that’s not so clear.

What is with having the girl in a photo shoot pose with the dick on her head? Is it a sort of promotional shot of the principal actors—a girl (usually named) and a dick (belonging to a most often nameless man)? Is it to display the positions of a power hierarchy, with the girl at the bottom?

Whatever the reasons behind it, it appears to be a fairly common pose, judging by the vast number of pictures out there.

The Fleshlight: Creating Masturbatory Equality

For all of recorded history, male masturbation device technology has lagged behind the other gender’s. While women had their choice of dildos, eggs, and vibrators in every shape, size, color, and power level imaginable, men, on the other hand, were left with a limited selection of cheap rubber tubes, called sleeves.

While one may argue that men get along just fine with their own hands—easier than women—it’s still nice to have options. And the sleeve just wasn’t a drastically different alternative to the traditional hand.

Then, the Fleshlight came along. It was created by Steven Shubin, who, after being abstinent during his wife’s high-risk pregnancy, discovered the deficit in male masturbatory products for himself.

The Fleshlight is a sleeve like the majority of other products, but, really, so is the actual thing these products try to emulate. However, the Fleshlight takes the sleeve to a new level.

First of all, the rubber itself is of a higher quality than most sleeves. But what really makes the Fleshlight special is it’s distinctive and characteristic case, for which it is named.

Even if the word “Fleshlight” wasn’t emblazoned on the side of it, this thing wouldn’t fool anybody. It looks nothing like any flashlight manufactured after 1983. Despite its failure to disguise its purpose, the case adds value. It provides a firm way to handle the squishy sleeve and, best of all, creates a sucking, vacuum effect when using it in conjunction with a penis.

This side effect of the case, with the help of a lot of marketing, explains the popularity of the product, to which the sheer numbers of pictures of its use attests. The Fleshlight is easily the most well-known male masturbation product. It definitely serves a demand, and people are so happy with them, they can’t keep from taking pictures demonstrating that.

Dick in a [Pizza] Box

Has anyone else noticed the trend in porn which features a dick poking through a pizza box, through the pie, and “surprising” an unsuspecting porn actress? When did this start? Was it natural evolution from pizza delivery men ending up getting their dicks sucked on deliveries to them carrying them in the box with the pizza? Or did that SNL song influence a porn sub-genre? It could just be descended from the same spark as that song as well as the penis-in-popcorn idea.

At the same time, I have to wonder if the choice to include pizza in our porn doesn’t reflect a deeper issue—a nation-wide shift from traditionally sensual, whole foods like chocolate and oysters to fast, processed foods like pizza and hamburgers. That’s sort of a depressing thought about where we’re headed. It’s better if it’s just a simple attempt to play on voyeurism.

Whatever the origin, the practice has established itself. It’s not going anywhere anytime soon. Already, there are websites specializing in it. Penis-perforated pizza permeates the internet leaving it a greasy mess, but it serves as a testament to yet another thing people do with their dicks.

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As long as there are cameras, dicks, and things, we will have pictures of dicks in things.

In this installment: hair accessories and plumbing materials.

Pie in the Sky

Today, I figured I’d share a fruitless (pun intended—you’ll get it later) endeavor with the readership. With all the photographic examples of the strange things people do with their penises, I never thought it would be so difficult to find a picture of someone loving a pie à la American Pie. However, there just doesn’t seem to be any. In fact the discovery that people are sticking their dicks in whole, uncooked fruit came from an early search for a pie picture.

We do have anecdotal evidence that such behavior is taking place, but no direct proof. At one time, I would have said that people simply weren’t taking pictures of it because sticking one’s penis in a pie wasn’t anything anyone would want to advertise. Now, I know better. That doesn’t matter. Have a look around our site if you don’t believe me. There must be another reason for the lack of pie pictures, but I really can’t think of what it might be. Maybe no one wants to waste a pie. I don’t know.

Anyway, until an actual picture turns up, here’s a mock-up of one that will have to do.